Sunday, February 27, 2011

Almost 4 years in almost 4 paragraphs

So I decided to embark on a journey to grow from my past experiences, fully live in the present, and learn how to fully embrace my awesome self. Life changes in the blink of an eye and sometimes it brings situations that can be a bit difficult to overcome. This is what happened to me. And how did this whole turmoil begin you might ask? With a boy. That's the first problem right there - I got to the point where I let my life revolve around a man. A man who in the end was more of a boy than a man. We met in college towards the end of our senior year. We decided to pursue a long distance relationship and then about two years later I decided to move from Chicago to the southern state he was living in so that we could be closer. Since he had began a career and I was thinking of going back to school it seemed more logical for me to make the move. Plus warmer winters sounded so nice! Looking back it is a cute story. But the story did not have such a cute ending. Well, at least not right away.

Anyways, back to my story. I had been looking for a job in the new city I was going to move to but couldn't find anything. I eventually ended up finding a position at a resort trying to sign tourists up for time share tours. So I moved; and let me just say living close to the ocean was awesome! Although the area I moved to was small and slow paced in comparison to Chicago, it was nice to live somewhere new. I eventually got fired from my resort job because I couldn't meet whatever quota was expected. So I went on the job hunt again and found a job coordinating activities for children at a local library. The new job was nice but the awesomeness of being somewhere new was wearing off. Part of this was probably because there weren't many things to do in the area. I did spend a good amount of days not knowing what to do because my ex just wanted to play his obnoxiously loud Modern Warfare video game. But I do have to admit we did go out and had a great time a good amount of times too.  

I'll save the details of the ups and downs that we had. They're just not that important anymore. A year and a half later of me moving to be closer to this person we broke up. One day he was being quiet and I could just tell that something was bothering him. I asked and he said that he didn't want to talk about it. So I told him that if and when he wanted to talk I would listen to him. We went about our evening; I did a few chores around the house and he played his video game. I tried going to bed a little earlier than usual since I had started a new job (2 weeks before the breakup) and was trying to get used to the earlier hours. When he got to bed I was still half awake and asked him if he was feeling any better. He said no and then told me that he wanted a break and had been thinking about it for awhile. He also said that for months he had been feeling that we had lost chemistry and had tried working on it (without letting me know that something might be a bit off) and that he wanted to be single and see what other women have to offer. Now honestly, who the fuck says that shit. Then he said he felt he could breathe now and was originally thinking of breaking up with me after a weekend trip where I was supposed to buy a car. A few days after the break up I had also learned that my ex was attracted to a woman at his job and she had approached. To what extent things went between them before and after the break up, I thankfully don't know. 

Anyways, I was now confused, hurt, and lost. He was my first serious relationship and I had moved across the country for him so my thoughts and feelings were all over the place. I now had to make the choice of either staying there or moving. My initial reaction was to stay in this small town where most of my friends were mutual friends with my ex. The thought of staying lingered for a few days until my aunt and my best friend, we'll call her Nancy, basically convinced me that moving to Chicago would be the best choice for me. I made the choice and one of my good friends helped me pack up my things into a rented mini van and I was back on my way to Chicago. The night before I left, my ex and I decided to have a drink and talk. He came up with some bullshit that he hopes I understand where he's coming from and that he felt I wasn't ambitious enough for him. WTF?! Again, who says shit like that. I should have just told him that I felt he was dumb ass. Honestly, I'm not ambitious enough?...He knew I was going to start school in the fall and I had just started a new job. Ugh...pendejo (dumb ass). Anyways...good luck with your future endeavors ex , even though I don't fully mean it. Yet.

It has been almost a year since the break up and the journey to "getting over it" has been a bit bumpy. For some reason, I feel that my ex and/or the break up took away an important part of me who used to be so sure of who I was. But now I'm here to take back what is mine, get back on the road to being my awesome self again, and enjoying the present moment. So thankful for new beginnings! 

~I guess it's harder to detail 4 years in 4 paragraphs than I thought.